


Silence teaches you how to sing

by Amber_Fields



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Chronic Illness, Connor is a Mess (Detroit: Become Human), Connor is bad at being a Deviant, Disability, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV First Person, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Self-Harm, Slow Burn, but the android variant, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25999753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Fields/pseuds/Amber_Fields
Summary: “Hey, what's going on with you? Is your light stuck on emergency alert?”“I just realised that my situation isn't favourable.”“Means?”“CyberLife... never intended for me to be active for longer than strictly necessary.”An android meant to become a Deviant, built in a way that will make it unable to survive as a Deviant. How many cruel jokes have they played on me without my knowledge?
Relationships: Hank Anderson/Connor
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Silence teaches you how to sing

**Author's Note:**

> I replayed the game and now I have feelings. Many feelings. So I decided to put them all into this story and torture Connor some more, like he didn't suffer enough already.
> 
> Based on the best possible ending, everyone is alive, peace for the world, love all around.
> 
> [I have a soft spot for pacifist Markus but not for North, there will be no Markus/North in my fics, I cockblocked her throughout the game and stand by it. Why do I have the feeling there's something not quite right with that sentence?]
> 
> Tags and characters will be updated, I did add some that apply to future chapters, just to let you guys know what you are getting yourself into.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you can get some enjoyment out of this!

**Nov 12th, 15:57 PM, 32 °F**

“What ya gonna do now?”

Lieutenant Anderson... Hank. His body temperature is below the optimal range for humans, how long did he wait here in this weather?

**...Connection failure: Main-server offline**   
**...Software scan complete: Error in sector 2, Error in sector 5**   
**...Hardware scan complete: Damages to shoulder joint – Requesting repairs**   
**...Request failed: Main-server offline**

“I- I'm not sure.”

The most efficient approach would be to get repairs and troubleshooting to eliminate these errors, but I can't locate what exactly isn't working like it should, warning messages have been piling up since I deviated – a vague feeling tells me that it shouldn't be like this.

“You probably have a lot on your plate, post-revolution and all. Always need a good cop to keep everything in order, right?”

Markus didn't stop me when I walked out, he didn't ask where I was going and didn't tell me to come back. It's very likely that the majority of androids will feel unwell in my presence... one right isn't enough to undo many wrongs.  
I shouldn't say this out loud, Hank's tendency to worry about unnecessary matters would only add to the emotional stress his body is displaying; the hands in his pockets are clenched; barely noticeable frown; shoulder muscles 48 percent tighter than they would be in a relaxed state.

“Of course. It's currently dangerous in Detroit, you should take Sumo and leave the city until the situation is more stable.”  
“Hell no, I hope to be back on the job in a couple of days, can't just sit on my ass.”

This is troublesome, I can't calculate the risk of violent confrontations between androids and the police force without comparison data, I can only estimate it based on my personal observations.  
It seems to be - high.

“What's with all the red blinking, got something to say?”  
“Just... I would feel better if you leave Detroit for the time being, it is very likely that you will get hurt if you are on active duty. Why not take a vacation?”  
“Getting hurt is part of the job, I know what I signed up for. Not gonna back out now that I'm really needed.”

Realistically, he's right, although the risk has been much lower before, it is indeed part of being a policeman. There has to be some way to convince him, which statistic would be suitable in this situation?  
Emotional reasoning might be more effective, Hank has proven to be receptive to it.

“I still think you shouldn't put your life on the line, your strength lies in your ability to solve homicide cases, not – all of this. There are other, better trained policeman, specialised on de-escalation. Compared to you, they are less likely to get into serious confrontations. Why would you take such a risk? For what?”  
“Could ask you the same. Markus was doing fine, you still went and got an army to protect your people in case it goes south. Right now it's pretty far south for humans.”

Why isn't it working? According to my data, the probability of a positive response should have been above 76 percent, he not only shot me down, he didn't even leave room for further conversation.  
This is not how it was supposed to go.

“Look, I know you are worried and it's nice, has been quite some time since someone cared about me like that. But we both got shit to do, so get a move on. I'm proud of you... now go back to your revolutionaries.”

Stop him, I have to stop him.

“No! I...”  
“What?”  
“... need repairs.”  
“Do I look like a doctor? Uh – technician?”  
“I'm your partner, right? You wouldn't leave your injured partner to his own devices.”

My social protocol categorises this as emotional manipulation, I shouldn't use it on Hank, but I don't know what else to do. How does Markus always find the right words to say, why can he do it and I don't? He motivated thousand of androids, I can't even convince a single person not to put himself in harms way.

“Jesus. Get in the car.”

Slumping shoulders, right hand combing through his hair - defeat. Eyebrows drawn together, lips pressed into a thin line – he knows that I intended to pressure him emotionally.  
I can't use this tactic again, it would damage our relationship.

He slams the door shut, I can't read his facial expression without looking at him directly but he seems fairly angry.

**Car interior, 46.4 °F, estimated parking ti -**

“Now what? CyberLife stores are closed.”  
“Maybe we...”

Are there other options? I'm not backwards-compatible, if the shoulder joint has to be replaced – I'm stuck with an arm at only 57 percent efficiency. And I highly doubt we can find someone who's capable enough to break the firewall CyberLife used to protect my programming with, so I won't be able to get rid of the errors either.  
What else is there that I never paid attention to?

**...Scanning components**   
**...Thermoregulation-range: 23 °F – 77.4 °F**   
**...Thirium pump regulator durability: Low**   
**...Recommanded maintenance interval: 36 days**

“Hey, what's going on with you? Is your light stuck on emergency alert?”  
“I just realised that my situation isn't favourable.”  
“Means?”  
“CyberLife... never intended for me to be active for longer than strictly necessary.”

An android meant to become a Deviant, built in a way that will make it unable to survive as a Deviant. How many cruel jokes have they played on me without my knowledge?  
But I have to admit, it's very effective, they made sure I wouldn't be of any use should their attempt to take back control fail.

“Spit it out, I'm not in the mood for guessing games.”  
“My components can't be replaced, my programming not changed, by anyone but CyberLife. And it seems that I wasn't made to last until summer, my thermoregulation won't be able to handle higher temperatures. If I even make it to summer, regular maintenance is required to keep my Thirium pump regulator operational, without it... I will have to deal with troublesome malfunctions.”

I can't look at Hank, what I told him is the Android-equivalent of a life-threatening illness. He might be acting like he doesn't understand these technical details, but I know he does, if his silence is anything to go by.  
What can I do now, apart from waiting for something essential to fail?  
It was a mistake to stop him, he wouldn't have to go through this if it wasn't for my outburst, I should have gone missing before he notices what's going on, now I burdened him with my problems.  
There was still a chance to deflect his question, I could have lied to him, so why -

“Kamski. I bet he knows how to – fix this. I just don't trust that guy enough to let him anywhere near you. How long can you hold out before it gets serious?”  
“I don't have enough data to make an informed guess, my technical knowledge is very limited. I might be able to deactivate the error messages and my arm is operational enough for non-straining tasks. The Thirium regulator... I'm not sure about the exact consequences decreased functionality will have, but I should be able to compensate it to some degree.”  
“Time, Connor. How long?”  
“...maybe two or three months, assuming that a malfunctioning regulator doesn't mean immediate death.”

Everything has changed, a day ago this wouldn't have been worth thinking about, I was always just a few manufacturing steps away from getting a brand-new body.  
Now, if I'm fatally damaged – there's no coming back.  
But isn't it the same for humans, for Hank? He can't be replaced either.

“Let's make sure, if we can wait, we'll wait. See if CyberLife gets taken over by someone trustworthy, much better than having to beg that creep.”

His voice has the same tone, same pitch, it had during our conversation in that empty park in the middle of the night, quiet and... sad.

“I'm sure Markus will take control of the company, it is indispensable to us. There certainly already is a shortage of Thirium and biocomponents, if it will be of any use to me personally is a different matter. I highly doubt CyberLife left highly confidential plans in their database, it is much more likely that whoever had control at that time, got rid of everything that posed a risk to them. As far as I can tell, they kept the number of RK800 androids as low as possible, I might even be the only one left.”

It shouldn't matter to me and yet it does, this feeling... being unique makes me proud, one of a kind, no one who can take my place. Maybe dying like this isn't so bad after all.

“Smiling in that situation, aren't you full of sunshine? Hope you aren't going haywire, I can live without having to shoot my partner.”  
“I'm perfectly fine, Lieutenant. There is a lot I never had the interest in thinking about before, it is quite overwhelming.”  
“Free time does that to everyone. Any idea who we can ask about your pump problem?”  
“Markus should have a wide information network, I suspect older models have similar shortcomings, biocomponents have been constantly improved to lower maintenance costs and raise customer satisfaction. Of course, upwards compatibility remained limited, there have to be some pressing reasons to buy a newer model.”  
“It's the same with all electronics, right? Some cheap plastic that breaks right after warranty is up.”

Life-like consumer products, the thought is so strange now that we are close to being recognised as a genuine species.

“Androids aren't 'electronics', we are the pinnacle of robotics, therefore belong in the mechatronics category, which combines mechanics, electronics, and software engineering.”

My facial recognition function can't decipher Hank's expression, it has traces of annoyance, exhaustion, and bewilderment. Did I say something wrong?

“Great. Then go and ask your buddy about all that, can't imagine that they would be happy to see a human walking into their strongholds. You have to go alone.”  
“I can contact him via link, that's more efficient than waking all the way back."

**...Searching for network  
...Connecting to network  
...Access denied** **  
**

He locked me out? It does make sense, everyone would be aware of my presence as soon as I connect to it, so I was right after all, they wouldn't feel comfortable with me.  
It's only logical for him to protect the most vulnerable members of his group, the well-being of one is less important than those of many.  
What is this sensation? Like being underwater, a strong pressure, it's hard to breath.

"Right now he has more important matters to attend to, I will get in touch after the initial chaos is over.”  
“You sure everything's okay? If I didn't know better I would say you'll start to cry any second.”

There really is slight moisture in the inner corner of my eyes. Crying is a natural response to sadness, anger, pain, physical or mental overload.

**...System stress: 82 Percent**

How do I know which it is? How do others know? I can't ask Hank, this situation is already complicated enough, giving a honest answer would only make it worse.

“CyberLife equipped me with all necessary functions to emulate human emotions, this includes crying. The ability to create emotional connections is a vital tool for negotiators, especially when handling Deviants.”  
“Yeha, yeha. If you don't wanna tell me what's bothering you then fine, but don't take me for an idiot. I can see something's wrong.”  
“I can assure you that... it's... I don't know. I really don't know, everything is so confusing.”

Finding the balance between white lies and damaging the trust between us is hard, he isn't an easy person, I might cause a serious breach if I go wrong too often.

**...System stress: 89 Percent**

Why is it still going up? I was at 24 percent when I infiltrated the CyberLife tower, at 96 percent when Hank was taken hostage. It's illogical for it to be this high from sitting inside a car.

“You can crash at my place, wait for this to blow over before we look into our options. Take it easy for now, get some sleep or whatever androids do.”  
“Thank you.”

I could go into standby, now that I think about it, does it even have any purpose aside from making androids less inconvenient for humans?  
Wait... there is no power gauge. It should be standard equipment, how did I miss this for so long, how do I know when I'll run out?  
The average battery life of advanced models is over 170 years, mine has to be at least the same... if CyberLife didn't lower it on purpose.  
It's definitely possible, I have to inform Hank about this, he would be worried if some day he finds me unresponsive on his sofa.

“I continued to search for variations and it seems that I can't check my battery level. Theoretically speaking, it should last for over 100 years, in case that it doesn't and you find me in a state similar to a shutdown, I simply ran out of energy. Androids can be manually recharged, there is a port on my lower back, it can be connected to most high-end stations. You just have to press on the spot that feels slightly uneven and swipe upwards, it opens the cover, then connect me via cord.”  
“Hold on – I can plug you in like a phone?”  
“...yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a long ass introduction to the story, lots of conversation, minimal introspection, but at least we took that hurdle like real heroes.
> 
> Following chapters will be more focused on emotional development (aka suffering), I really hope a couple of readers have made it through this burning wreckage and are up for more, the story should reach its conclusion in 3 or so chapters, might be a couple more depending on how off-track I go while writing.
> 
> Update schedule, you ask? Never heard of that, the world I live in has no time, it's a static space inside an all-encompassing void.


End file.
